i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize