I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
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