he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
