I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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