just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
