I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
