remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize