Plan B is the new Plan A
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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