totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
