I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i just google imaged poop.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
