if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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