This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
