i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
