Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
