'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
