I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I have aggressive nipples.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
