I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
cat food counts as protein by the way
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
