wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
