Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
