i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
