allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
