i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
