I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
