I haven't been this sober since birth.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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