Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
