So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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