Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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