they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
