Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
