I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
