I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
