Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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