One girl and one boy is just not enough.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
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