first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
