Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
