Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
