i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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