Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
