If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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