He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
