as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
