guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
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