i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Randomize
