My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
