so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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