Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
