Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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