you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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