Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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