Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
