ya dads aren't the best wingmen
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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