i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
