So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
