Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
People in love make me want to vomit
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
