I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize