Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
