i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
