She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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