I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
