Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
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