There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
