oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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