Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
