We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
