sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
