8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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