ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
It's not a walk of shame if you run
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
