he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize